I am becoming increasingly aware that when I feel connected to god, mankind, and the cosmos, I have an inner serenity and eat in order to live (State A).
When I feel disconnected, I become anxious and depressed and eat compulsively (State B) .
I don't really know how to consciously get from State B to State A.
Reading books on spirituality helps.
Sometimes, reading other literature that puts me in a judging, critical state of mind can lead me back to State B. But I also like to read novels and other literature and can't see limiting myself to spiritual literature.
I have been struggling with the two states for the last few months, and now suddenly seem to have been graced with State A. I think that two issues may have caused the struggle - a new job and my Pesach visit to my parents.
Both led to my feeling of constantly being judged, and that seems to negatively impact my emotional/spiritual health.
I know that my recent reading have gotten me back to State A. I'll enjoy it while it lasts. And I'm very grateful for it.
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